—Geronta, a certain woman asked what to do with her two cousins who have been freeloading off her for years.
—What does she want? To write a new Gospel now? God asks of her to help them and He will do whatever helps their souls.
—Geronta, when there is a misunderstanding between relatives, should someone say something to help the situation?
—Yes, something should be said to help because silence may do harm. If they misunderstand your intentions you should go to them again and say, “Forgive me for worrying you;” from then on leave them alone and pray for them.
One who desires to live peacefully should, in their relationships with relatives and friends, be especially careful not to be deceived by the politeness which often takes place. Worldly politeness can do great harm because it contains hypocrisy. A person’s external behavior may cause them to appear as a perfect saint; when their inner world is revealed, however, one finds the complete opposite.
—Geronta, when someone feels the goodness of another, should he acknowledge it?
—If he is definitely very close with them it is not necessary—for surely he too has been cared for before—it is necessary only to be aware of the inner gratitude he feels. If, however, he is not close with them, he should express his gratitude in whatever way possible. To strangers we say “thank you.” If, for example, a child wants to express his gratitude to his parents, he need only say “thank you” continuously, day and night, for all they do for him.
We are greatly helped by being simple in our association with others—always to have good thoughts about them, and not to take everyone so seriously. We should avoid those conversations which supposedly arise for spiritual profit but which instead only bring headaches. Nor should we expect spiritual understanding from people who don’t believe in God. It is better to pray that God forgive and illumine them. We must speak to people in their own language and not reveal the great truths which we believe and live; they won’t understand us because we speak on a different frequency and another wavelength.
Some people say, “I want others to know Christ as I also came to know Him,” acting as a teacher of others. But to do this their lives must be in accordance with what they teach. When they teach a different Christ with their lives—that is, their life doesn’t match up to that which they have said—then they can’t say they have come to know Christ. If someone doesn’t have experience he won’t be in touch with reality, and sooner or later he will betray himself. When with pain and true love we approach someone, then this true love of Christ transforms our neighbor. He who is holy, wherever he may be, in a way creates around him an electromagnetic spiritual field and inspires whoever comes into it. We should be careful, of course, not to squander our love, giving our hearts easily to others; for people often take advantage of our hearts and chop them into hamburger; or they can’t understand us and thus misconstrue our actions and attitudes.
Translation by Fr. Luke Hartung from the book Family Life [in Greek], by Elder Paisios the Athonite, published by the Sacred Hesychastirion of St. John the Evangelist, Souroti, Greece (2002).
Relationships with Relatives and Friends
—Geronta, a certain woman asked what to do with her two cousins who have been freeloading off her for years.
—What does she want? To write a new Gospel now? God asks of her to help them and He will do whatever helps their souls.
—Geronta, when there is a misunderstanding between relatives, should someone say something to help the situation?
—Yes, something should be said to help because silence may do harm. If they misunderstand your intentions you should go to them again and say, “Forgive me for worrying you;” from then on leave them alone and pray for them.
One who desires to live peacefully should, in their relationships with relatives and friends, be especially careful not to be deceived by the politeness which often takes place. Worldly politeness can do great harm because it contains hypocrisy. A person’s external behavior may cause them to appear as a perfect saint; when their inner world is revealed, however, one finds the complete opposite.
—Geronta, when someone feels the goodness of another, should he acknowledge it?
—If he is definitely very close with them it is not necessary—for surely he too has been cared for before—it is necessary only to be aware of the inner gratitude he feels. If, however, he is not close with them, he should express his gratitude in whatever way possible. To strangers we say “thank you.” If, for example, a child wants to express his gratitude to his parents, he need only say “thank you” continuously, day and night, for all they do for him.
We are greatly helped by being simple in our association with others—always to have good thoughts about them, and not to take everyone so seriously. We should avoid those conversations which supposedly arise for spiritual profit but which instead only bring headaches. Nor should we expect spiritual understanding from people who don’t believe in God. It is better to pray that God forgive and illumine them. We must speak to people in their own language and not reveal the great truths which we believe and live; they won’t understand us because we speak on a different frequency and another wavelength.
Some people say, “I want others to know Christ as I also came to know Him,” acting as a teacher of others. But to do this their lives must be in accordance with what they teach. When they teach a different Christ with their lives—that is, their life doesn’t match up to that which they have said—then they can’t say they have come to know Christ. If someone doesn’t have experience he won’t be in touch with reality, and sooner or later he will betray himself. When with pain and true love we approach someone, then this true love of Christ transforms our neighbor. He who is holy, wherever he may be, in a way creates around him an electromagnetic spiritual field and inspires whoever comes into it. We should be careful, of course, not to squander our love, giving our hearts easily to others; for people often take advantage of our hearts and chop them into hamburger; or they can’t understand us and thus misconstrue our actions and attitudes.
Translation by Fr. Luke Hartung from the book Family Life [in Greek], by Elder Paisios the Athonite, published by the Sacred Hesychastirion of St. John the Evangelist, Souroti, Greece (2002).