Tag Archives: Marriage

Human Logic and the Will of God for Childbearing

Oftentimes couples express to me their insecurity regarding the topic of childbearing, and they ask my opinion. Some only want one or two children, while others want to have many. It would, however, be to their advantage to leave the issue of childbearing to God—to entrust their lives to divine providence and not try to implement their own plan. They must have faith that God, Who cares for the birds of the air, will care much more for their children. There was once a sailor who married at eighteen years old. He was poor, and so was the girl he married. They rented a basement to live in. The girl also found a little work. In this way they lived quite sparingly. Just imagine it: for a table they used a leftover crate from some peaches they once bought. Later they began having children, living very frugally in order to raise them. And yet, little by little, they became prosperous homeowners. Read more →

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Difficulties in Childbearing

—Geronta, if a woman is not Orthodox, and if she is not able to conceive a child, is it alright for her to wear the belt we have blessed on the holy relics of St. Arsenios? [1]

—Does she believe in the power of the Saint or does she think that it will help in some magical way? If she believes in the Saint, it’s alright for her to wear it.

For some women who aren’t able to conceive children, the spiritual laws are at work, because they didn’t start families when they should have. They become very picky, “No, he has this problem and the other guy has these problems.” So, they make a promise to someone; but then they see someone else, so later they say “no” to the one to whom they had originally made a promise–and he, instead of seeing it as a blessing that she left him, goes and commits suicide. Eh, what kind of family is a woman like this going to make? Other women aren’t able to have children because in their younger years they lived a wild life. Then others are troubled by their diet. Many foods contain lots of drugs and hormones. Read more →

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Saints Joakeim and Anna are the Most Dispassionate Couple

—Geronta, tell us about Saints Joakeim and Anna, the ancestors of God. You once started to speak of them.

—Since I was little I’ve had a great veneration for the Holy Ancestors. Surely I’ve told one of you about wanting them to give me the name Joakeim when they made me a monk. We owe them so much! Saints Joakeim and Anna are the most dispassionate couple ever! They didn’t have a fleshly mind in the slightest. Read more →

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The Spiritual Life of Spouses

—Geronta, when the husband doesn’t live spiritually, what should the wife do?

—Entrust this to Christ and pray that his heart would soften a little. Little by little Christ will descend into his heart and he will begin to be uneasy. As soon as his heart softens a little she can, for example, ask him to drive her to church. She shouldn’t say, “You should come into church too,” but rather, “Could you please take me to church?” If he takes her all the way there, she can then say, “Since we’re here, let’s go inside a minute and light a candle.” In this way, little by little, perhaps he will go a little further.

—Geronta, is the spiritual father of the wife able also to help the husband in some way? Read more →

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The Practice of Virtue Within the Family

— Geronta, how can a husband become practiced in the virtues?

— God will give him opportunities. Many men, however, after asking God to give them opportunities to practice the virtues, grumble when they are faced with a certain difficulty. For example, sometimes the Good God, in His boundless love, and in order to provide practice in humility and patience, will take away his Grace from the wife, and she will begin acting outlandishly and treating the husband inconsiderately. Then the husband should not complain, but rather rejoice and thank God for the opportunity to struggle which He has given him. Or, a mother asks God to grant her patience. Her little child then comes in, and as soon as she has the table set for dinner, he pulls on the table cloth and everything spills on the floor. At such times it’s as if the child is saying to his mother: “Mama, be patient!” Read more →

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The Harmony of God is Hidden Within a Diversity of Personalities

One day a man came to my kalyve and told me that he was very worried because he was not of the same mind with his wife. I saw, however, that there was nothing serious between them. He just had a few rough edges, his wife had a few others, and they couldn’t deal with one another. They needed a little sanding. Take two planks of wood before sanding them. One has a knot here, the other has a knot there; if you try to join the planks there is an empty space left between them. If, however, you sand one a little here and the other a little there, using the same tool, they join perfectly. [1] Read more →

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A Good Start to Family Life

Geronta, a certain young man who has chosen the married life asked me how one properly begins this.

—From the beginning, he should seek to find a good girl who will comfort him, as people are relaxed and find comfort differently with different people. He should not seek to find someone who is rich or beautiful, but above all simple and humble. In other words, he should give more attention to interior rather than exterior beauty. When a girl is a positive person and capable of dealing with men, without having more womanly character than is necessary, this greatly helps the man to find immediate understanding and not a lot of headaches. If she also has fear of God and humility then they are able to join hands and pass the evil current of the world. Read more →

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Both the Married and Celibate Life are Blessed

Geronta, what should someone answer to young children who ask if the monastic life is higher than the married life?

First, help them to understand what is man’s destiny and the meaning of life. Next, explain that the Church blesses both of these paths, because both are able to lead them to Paradise if they live according to God’s will. Let’s say that two people set out on a pilgrimage. The first goes by bus, while the other goes on foot; but they both have the same destination. God rejoices in the first just as he is amazed by the second. What’s bad is when the one who goes by footpath judges the one who goes by bus, or vice versa.

It’s good for youth who think about monasticism to know that the monk’s vocation is very great: it is to become an Angel. Christ told the Sadducees that in the next life, in Heaven, we will live as Angels. [1] For this reason many youth—those with much philotimo [2]—become monastics and begin the angelic life in this life. Read more →

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Marital Relations

Regarding the topic of marital relations Elder Paisios wrote in one of his epistles:

Concerning marital relations of married priests and laity, which you related to me: since the Holy Fathers do not define “how often” [to have marital relations] exactly, we must conclude that it is not defined, for everyone cannot be put into the same mold. The Fathers leave it to the discernment, zeal, spiritual sensitivity and strength of each person. That I may be more easily understood, I will share instances of spiritual warriors—again, married priests and laymen—whom I have known.

Among them there are those who came together after their marriage and had one, two, or three children, and afterward lived in chastity. Others come together once a year for childbearing, but otherwise live as brother and sister. Some abstain only during fasting periods; and others are not able to attain even this. I also know some who come together once in the middle of the week, so as to be three days before and after Holy Communion. Some stumble over even this, for which reason Christ’s first word when He appeared to the Apostles after His Resurrection was, “As the Father has sent me, even so I send you . . . Receive ye the Holy Spirit: Whosoever sins ye remit, they are remitted unto them; and whose soever sins ye retain, they are retained”. [1] Read more →

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