In addition, God may not give children so that an orphaned child might be helped. I once met a good Christian man who was a lawyer. Once, when I passed through the city he lived I paid him a visit and in his great kindness he forced me to stay over and receive hospitality at his house. I also met his spouse who likewise resembled him in virtue. And, while from the wife I learned of the spiritual life of her husband, from the husband I learned of the spiritual state of his wife. Later, I learned about the both of them from many other Christians who know them well and whom they have helped. This man of God honorably worked as a lawyer. If he saw that someone was deceitful not only would he not take his case but he would sharply renounce them in hopes that they would come to their senses. If he saw someone who was guilty but repentant, he would try somehow to reconcile things or to reduce the sentence. If he saw a poor man unjustly accused, he wouldn’t take any money and would try to vindicate him in court. He lived very simply and therefore the little money he made was enough for him with enough left over to help poor families. The house of this faithful lawyer was literally a spiritual oasis in the Sahara of the city. The poor, wounded, unemployed, and those with domestic problems would gather there and he would support them all as a good father. He had acquaintances in different places so that, whomever he called on the phone with a need–to help with those who were sick, etc.—never told him ‘no,’ because everyone loved and honored him. His wife also worked in her own way. She would help poor children or children who had difficulties in their studies. They thought of her as a mother. She once, however, expressed to me a complaint. “Father, when we married” she told me, “I resigned my job as a professor because I said I’d now become a good mother. I even asked Christ to give me twenty children, but unfortunately He didn’t even give me one.” Then, I told her: “Sister, you have more than five-hundred children and still you are complaining? Christ saw your good intention and will reward you. Now that you’re helping with the spiritual rebirth of so many children, you’ve become a better mother than many other mothers and have passed up even mothers of many children.[2] You will also have a greater reward, because with the spiritual rebirth the children are reassured eternal life.” In the meantime they had adopted a little girl and had signed over their inheritance to her. She cared for them in their old age and, when they reposed, went off to a monastery–although their house was like a monastery, reading all the services as they did. For vespers and compline they had other brethren in Christ but midnight office and orthros the three read themselves. These blessed souls gave rest to so many suffering souls. May God also grant them rest.

That’s why I say that the greater and better parents of big families are those who were spiritually reborn and who help in the spiritual rebirth of children all over the world, to ensure their souls in Paradise.

—Geronta, some people who aren’t able to have children of their own, think about adopting a little child.
—Yes, it’s better to adopt. They shouldn’t insist on their own will.[3] That which man wants is not always the will of God.
—Geronta, should the adoptive parents tell the child that they adopted him at a certain age?
—It is better to tell the child once he is old enough. But what matters is to love the child greatly and appropriately. There are children who live with their actual parents but who love other people more because their own parents don’t have love.

Translation by Fr. Luke Hartung from the book Family Life [in Greek], by Elder Paisios the Athonite, published by the Sacred Hesychastirion of St. John the Evangelist, Souroti, Greece (2002).

Some people try to get everything else set up first and only afterwards think about children. They don’t consider God in the slightest. Again others say: “Life is hard today; one child is enough, for even him you’ll raise with difficulty”; and they don’t have other children. They don’t understand how greatly they sin with such an approach, not giving themselves over to God with faith. God is merciful: as soon as He sees that they can’t cope, it’s not hard for Him not to give them more children.

So many people go into marriage without considering that they should plan on having children and raising them in a Christian manner. They don’t want many children so they won’t have to be bothered; instead they have dogs and cats in their houses . . . They tell me that now in America, instead of having a dog at home, there is a kind of pig, which is very expensive and doesn’t grow so big. They’ve made it that way so as to be able to keep it in their homes. They don’t want to have children because it’s a pain to wash and care for them; but instead they’re cleaning piggies! At least a dog can keep watch. But to have pigs in your home? Unbelievable! In Australia I saw they had an old peoples’ home for dogs and cats…, and even a cemetery for animals! The way people are going they’ll start raising mice to make canned cat food to feed their cats with; they’ll raise rabbits and bunnies to can up into food to feed their dogs with, while other people are dying of hunger. Nowadays, if someone were to kill a dog, he might actually get into more trouble than if he were to kill another person. Of course, depending on what breed the dog was…where will it end!?…when in our day a man is worth less than a dog.

Translation by Fr. Luke Hartung from the book Family Life [in Greek], by Elder Paisios the Athonite, published by the Sacred Hesychastirion of St. John the Evangelist, Souroti, Greece (2002).

—Does she believe in the power of the Saint or does she think that it will help in some magical way? If she believes in the Saint, it’s alright for her to wear it.

For some women who aren’t able to conceive children, the spiritual laws are at work, because they didn’t start families when they should have. They become very picky, “No, he has this problem and the other guy has these problems.” So, they make a promise to someone; but then they see someone else, so later they say “no” to the one to whom they had originally made a promise–and he, instead of seeing it as a blessing that she left him, goes and commits suicide. Eh, what kind of family is a woman like this going to make? Other women aren’t able to have children because in their younger years they lived a wild life. Then others are troubled by their diet. Many foods contain lots of drugs and hormones.

There are also couples who, as soon as they marry, immediately want to conceive a child; and if they are held up a little they begin to be tormented. But how are they going to have a child while they are full of grief and stress? If they get rid of the grief and stress, and get their lives in order spiritually, then they’ll have a child.

Sometimes God is intentionally slow in giving a child to a couple. Look at Saints Joachim and Anna, the Holy Ancestors, and the Prophet Zacharias and Saint Elizabeth. In their old age they were given a child, in both cases in order to fulfill God’s pre-eternal plan for the salvation of all mankind.

Couples should always be ready to accept the will of God in their lives. Whoever entrusts himself to God, God will not abandon. We don’t do anything, and look at how much God does for us! With such love and open-handedness He gives us everything! Is there anything that God is not able to do? One couple had five children; but when their children grew up, they all moved away and settled elsewhere, leaving their parents all alone. So they decided to have one more child, to have with them in their old age. And even though the woman was at an age when it was humanly impossible to conceive, they had great faith in God and brought forth a son. So they had their youngest son, whom they had raised and cared for, with them in their old age.

The matter of childbearing is not dependent only upon man, but upon God as well. When God sees humility in a couple who has difficulty conceiving children, He won’t just give them one child. He is able to give them a large family. However, when He sees stubbornness and egoism, if He grants them their request, He will give in to their stubbornness and egoism. They must entirely give themselves over to God saying, “My God, You know what is best for me; ‘Thy will be done.’”[2] Then, that for which they ask will be done. Because when we say “Thy will be done,” and dedicate ourselves in faith to God, then the will of God happens. But we on the one hand say, “Thy will be done,” and on the other hand persist in wanting our own will. What can God do then?

Translation by Fr. Luke Hartung from the book Family Life [in Greek], by Elder Paisios the Athonite, published by the Sacred Hesychastirion of St. John the Evangelist, Souroti, Greece (2002).

—Since I was little I’ve had a great veneration for the Holy Ancestors. Surely I’ve told one of you about wanting them to give me the name Joakeim when they made me a monk. We owe them so much! Saints Joakeim and Anna are the most dispassionate couple ever! They didn’t have a fleshly mind in the slightest.

That’s how God created man, and that’s how He wanted people to beget children: dispassionately. However, after the Fall passion jumped into the relationship between man and woman. As soon as a dispassionate couple appeared—that were as God had created man, and as He wanted humans to procreate—the Panagia, that pure creature, was born; and after that Christ became incarnate. It makes me think that Christ would have come down to earth even sooner, had a pure couple such as Saints Joakeim and Anna appeared sooner.

The Roman Catholics have fallen into delusion and wrongly believe, out of misguided devotion, that the Panagia was born without having ancestral sin. Whereas in truth, the Panagia was not exempt from the ancestral sin, but rather was begotten as God had originally intended mankind to be begotten after its creation. That is, She was all-pure [1] because Her conception was without pleasure. The Holy Ancestors, after fervent prayer to God that He would grant them a child, came together not out of carnal desire, but out of obedience to God. This is something I experienced on Sinai. [2]

Abstinence in married life

God “created all things, very good.” [3] A man feels physical attraction towards a woman, and the woman towards the man. If this attraction did not exist then no one would have ever set out to start a family. Instead, they’d have reflected upon the difficulties they’d have to face later in family life, in raising children, etc., and would have decided not even to begin.

In those years after the Fall of the first-created, the carnal mind in some people might have been five percent, in others ten percent, thirty percent, and so on. Today, however, where is anybody going to be found who has a carnal mind of only five percent, that is, one who has a pure mind! At any rate, to all people God has given the potential to attain dispassion if they struggle with philotimo.

Husbands and wives should never forget that man is not only flesh but also spirit, and in this way restrain themselves. They must struggle to subjugate the flesh to the spirit. If they struggle to live spiritually, with the guidance of their spiritual father, little by little they will begin to taste of the delights from on high—spiritual and heavenly delights—and they won’t seek after carnal things.

Translation by Fr. Luke Hartung from the book Family Life [in Greek], by Elder Paisios the Athonite, published by the Sacred Hesychastirion of St. John the Evangelist, Souroti, Greece (2002).

Translation by Fr. Luke Hartung from the book Family Life [in Greek], by Elder Paisios the Athonite, published by the Sacred Hesychastirion of St. John the Evangelist, Souroti, Greece (2002).

—In a war they try to blockade the enemy. They surround him, confine him within the city walls, and deprive him of food. Then they cut off his water: for if the enemy is left without basic supplies and ammunition, he will be forced to surrender. Therefore, I mean to say that in the same way, with fasting and vigil, the devil is disarmed and retreats. “Through fasting, vigil, and prayer, thou didst receive heavenly gifts…”, as the hymn says. [1]

Through asceticism man becomes immaterial. Obviously, one aspiring to a higher, spiritual goal must abstain. If someone practices abstinence in order to lose weight, he is only caring for the well-being of his body. Then his asceticism resembles yoga. Unfortunately, the issue of asceticism has been cast aside even by people of the Church. They say, “I need to eat my food, to enjoy this and that, for God created everything for us.” Do you know what an archimandrite told me once at a dinner he prepared for us? I couldn’t force myself to eat any more because of how much I’d already eaten. He noticed and said, “Whoever destroys the temple of God, ‘him shall God destroy’”! [2] “Perhaps you have it backwards?” I told him. “Is this referring to asceticism or debauchery? The passage refers to those who destroy, who obliterate the temple of God with debauchery or with intemperance; it doesn’t refer to those who practice asceticism out of love for God.” And look: he then proceeded to comfort his own thoughts by saying, “We need to eat, so as not to destroy the temple of God”!

Someone else, after a visit to a certain monastery, told me, “I went to a monastery and the monks were sick from all their fasting. Their vats of oil were untouched. Father, they practice fasting and vigil!” What can you say? Such people don’t want to suffer at all. They eat their food, their fruit, their sweets, and afterwards, so as to justify themselves, they reproach those who practice asceticism. They haven’t experienced the spiritual joy of asceticism. Someone else will tell you, “I need to drink this much milk. I’ll fast during Great Lent, but afterwards I’ll make up for it, because I need a lot of calcium.” It’s not that his body needs it, but that he feels entitled to it; his thoughts are thus put at ease that it’s OK, that it’s not a sin. [3] Goodness, even thinking in this way is a sin. How far will a man’s logic go? He does fine during the fasting periods prescribed by the Church, but don’t lament what you are deprived of during the fast. Tell me, how can the Holy Spirit remain after such things?

See what philotimo some family men have! Once, a very simple man with nine children went to confess. His spiritual father then told him to commune. “Me? How can I commune?” he said. “We put a little oil on our food on strict fast days because my children and I work.” “How many children do you have?” his spiritual father asked him. “Nine.” “How much oil do you put on the food?” “Two spoonfuls.” “And how much of these two spoonfuls is your portion my poor child?” his spiritual father replied. “Now go and commune!” Between the eleven of them they ate only two spoonfuls of oil, and his thoughts troubled him!

Translation by Fr. Luke Hartung from the book Family Life [in Greek], by Elder Paisios the Athonite, published by the Sacred Hesychastirion of St. John the Evangelist, Souroti, Greece (2002).

—Perhaps they don’t approach their work with good thoughts? If they confront it rightly, then whatever job they do will seem like a festival.

—Geronta, when someone is upset because his job is difficult or distasteful—for example, he works construction or washes dishes at a restaurant—how should he find peace?

—If he will remember that Christ washed the feet of His disciples [1] he will quit worrying. It’s as if Christ was saying to us: “You should do likewise.” Whether one is washing dishes or digging ditches, he should rejoice. Another cleans out sewers filled with germs because the poor man doesn’t have any other work. But is he any less of a person? Isn’t he also an image of God? Once there was a family man who cleaned out sewers for a living, and who had attained a great spiritual state. He suffered from pulmonary tuberculosis; and although he had the chance to quit, he didn’t want to, because he thought, “why should someone else have to suffer?” He loved the beggarly life, and for that, God gave him grace.

Work doesn’t make the man. I once knew a longshoreman who had raised the dead. One day, when I was dikaios [2] at the Skete of Iveron, someone who was around 55 years old visited me. He had arrived late in the evening, and slept outside rather than knock and disturb the fathers. When the fathers saw him they brought him inside and informed me. “My goodness,” I told him, “why didn’t you ring the bell so that we could let you in and take care of you?” “What are you saying my father?” he said to me, “How could I disturb the monks?” I noticed that his face had a certain radiance. I understood that he must have lived very spiritually. Afterward, he explained to me that he had been left a young orphan when his father died; as a result, when he married he greatly loved his father-in-law. At first he and his wife lived in his in-laws house but after a time they moved into their own house. But he was constantly worried because his father-in-law swore a lot. He had pleaded with him many times not to swear, but he got even worse. His father-in-law once became seriously ill. They took him to the hospital, but after a few days he died. The man, however, was not with him at the hour he gave up his soul because he was unloading a ship. When he arrived at the hospital and found him in the morgue, he prayed with great pain: “My God, I beg Thee to resurrect him that he may repent, and then take him.” Immediately the dead man opened his eyes and began moving his hands. As soon as the attendant saw him he fainted. They got his things together and took him home, perfectly well! He lived another five years in repentance and then died. The man said to me, “My father, I thank God so much for doing me this favor. Who am I that God would grant me such a gift?” He had great simplicity and such humility that it didn’t even enter his mind that he had raised the dead. Out of his gratitude towards God, he was blind to that which he had done.

Many people suffer because they fail to receive recognition through vain, worldly honor, or fail to become rich in pointless, mundane things. It doesn’t occur to them that in the other life—the real life—such stuff is not needed, nor can they take it with them. To that place we can only take our works, which here and now acquire for us a passport for that great and eternal journey.

Translation by Fr. Luke Hartung from the book Family Life [in Greek], by Elder Paisios the Athonite, published by the Sacred Hesychastirion of St. John the Evangelist, Souroti, Greece (2002).

Every profession can be sanctified. A doctor, for example, shouldn’t forget that that which helps most in medicine is the Grace of God. Therefore, he should strive to become a receptacle of Divine Grace. A doctor who is a good Christian also helps the sick with his goodness and faith, because he encourages them to face their sickness with faith. To a patient with a very serious illness he can say: “Medicine has helped to this point—but remember from now on that there is God Who works miracles.”

Or a teacher should try to instruct with joy, and to help the children in their spiritual rebirth, something which not all parents are able to do, even if they have good intentions. While teaching them to read he can also teach them to be good people. Otherwise, how will learning to read benefit them? Society needs good people who will do well in whatever profession they choose. A teacher shouldn’t only pay attention to whether the students know how to read well, but they should also consider whether they have other good qualities, such as piety, goodness, and conscientiousness. God’s grades don’t always correspond to those of the teacher’s. The four that one child receives might be a ten in God’s eyes, while a ten for another might count as a four to God.

Translation by Fr. Luke Hartung from the book Family Life [in Greek], by Elder Paisios the Athonite, published by the Sacred Hesychastirion of St. John the Evangelist, Souroti, Greece (2002).

—Maybe they don’t love their job? Or, maybe they work on the same thing continually? With some jobs—say at a factory where they make door and window frames—a laborer might do the same thing from morning till the time he leaves: glue, glue, glue. Another constantly handles windows; another, putty. They constantly do the same monotonous work; and their boss is always watching them—not for just one or two days, either. It is always the “same old, same old,” to the point of boredom. In the old days it wasn’t like that though. A contractor would be given four walls from the carpenters and was expected to present the owner with a finished house and the key. He would have built the floors, the door and window frames, and would even have set the windows with putty. Afterward he would have built spiral staircases, turned banisters; after that he would have painted, built the cupboards and the shelves—even the furniture! Even if he didn’t do all of it himself, he knew how to do it. In a pinch a contractor could even put the tiles on the roof.

Today so many people are tormented because they don’t love their jobs. They eagerly await the hour when they can go home. But when one has zeal for his job and is interested in what he is doing, no matter how much he works, his zeal grows. He is devoted to his job; and when it is time to leave he says, “Where did the time go?” He even forgets to eat and sleep—he forgets everything! Fasting like this, he isn’t hungry; sleepless, he isn’t tired, but instead rejoices that he doesn’t need sleep. It’s not that he suffers from hunger or lack of sleep; it’s that work is like a feast day for him.

—Geronta, how is it that when two people have the same job, one can be spiritually profited from it while the other is spiritually harmed?

—It depends on how each one does his work and what is within him. If one works with humility and love, everything is bright, clean, and delightful, and he will feel refreshed. But if one allows prideful thoughts and thinks that he does his work better than others, he may feel a certain satisfaction, but this satisfaction doesn’t fill his heart because his soul is not growing—he has no rest.

When a person doesn’t do his work with love he grows tired. For such a one merely knowing he must climb a hill to finish a job makes him tired, because he doesn’t love his work. The one who does his job with all his heart, however, goes up and down the hill without even realizing it. A worker could dig in the sun, for example, and not get tired, as long as he does it from his heart. But if he doesn’t do it from his heart, he is always stopping, loafing around and complaining. “Oh, it is so hot,” he says, and so he suffers.

—Geronta, can a person become so absorbed with his career, his job, that he becomes indifferent or inconsiderate towards his family, etc.?

—He should love his job simply; he shouldn’t “fall in love” with it.[1] If he doesn’t love his work, he will tire out doubly—both bodily and spiritually. Then even his bodily rest won’t relax him because he will be spiritually exhausted. Spiritual exhaustion is something that overwhelms a man. When someone works with all his heart and is joyful, he is spiritually relaxed and his bodily exhaustion disappears.

You see, I know a general who still does all the jobs of his privates. How he worries about them! Like a father! Do you know what joy he feels?! Those under him also rejoice. Once he set out at midnight from Evro, headed to Larisa for the feast of Saint Achillius. He wanted to make it in time for Divine Liturgy, even though it would have been fine for him simply to go later, and be there only for the Doxology service afterward. But he said, “I must be on time to honor the Saint.” He does everything with all his heart! The gratification felt in one who does his work with philotimo is a good gratification. It was given by God so that His creature would not tire out. This is true rest from weariness.

Each person should spiritually increase his talent

Each person should increase the talent he has; for God, having given it him, expects a return. For example, the mind is powerful, but depending upon how one uses it, can be used for good or evil. Someone who is very bright—if he uses his mind properly—is able to invent things which may help the world. But if he doesn’t use his mind properly he might invent a way, let’s say, to rob his neighbor. People who draw cartoons in newspapers and the like are able, in only one cartoon—one sketch—to present their whole message. And if the cartoon is dealing with ecclesiastical issues and such, they are even able to present theology sufficiently. Some of them could have delved deeper into divine teachings if they would have studied theology—had they put their mind to it. That is, they could have sharpened their mind; they could have sanctified it, and thus would have helped themselves and others. But instead, many do negative work; obscene if they are obscene, ridiculous if they are ridiculous.

In other words, those with exceptional abilities will either become useful or destructive, while doubtless those who are not exceptional won’t be able to do great good, but at least they also won’t be able to do great harm.

Translation by Fr. Luke Hartung from the book Family Life [in Greek], by Elder Paisios the Athonite, published by the Sacred Hesychastirion of St. John the Evangelist, Souroti, Greece (2002).

—I suggest to men that if they can, they should find an open church after work, go in, light a candle and stay inside for ten to fifteen minutes. Or go sit in a park somewhere and read a small section of the Gospel, so as to quiet down a bit. Then they can go home in peace, smiling, instead of stressed out and ready to pick a fight. They shouldn’t bring work problems home with them—leave them at the door on the way out.

—But Geronta, some of them are justified, for their work responsibilities fill them with anxiety.

—It fills them with anxiety because they don’t involve God in their dealings. The sluggard who says “O, God will take care of things…” is better off than such people. I’d rather someone be an employee and do his work well, with philotimo—but simplifying his life, concentrating on the essentials and quieting his mind—rather than a factory owner and constantly whining and moaning because he is always in debt. Pride gets in and says, “I’ll borrow this amount, I’ll take care of this and that, and tidy things right up…”; but afterwards his business fails, he goes bankrupt, and then must sell everything, etc.

Many people don’t use their mind at work. They tire unnecessarily and thus no work gets done. Later they aren’t able to snap out of it, and get all stressed out. For example, someone wants to learn a certain trade and, because he doesn’t pay attention, for years he comes and goes, without making any progress, because he never uses his mind. He should observe what his work requires of him and do it. Look, when I worked in the world as a carpenter, I saw that the furniture I made required a lathe. What did I do? Did I go find someone to do the work for me? No, I got myself a lathe and learned how to use it. Next, I saw that I needed to make spiral staircases. So I sat down, called to mind the math and geometry I had learned, and figured out how to make them. If you don’t use your mind, you end up working too hard. What I want to emphasize is how one should use his mind, because at work one meets with a whole heap of challenges. In this way he will become a good craftsman; and from then on he will know what to do—he will make progress. Therein lies the entire foundation. The mind ought to be creative in all matters. Otherwise man remains an under-achiever and wastes his time.

Translation by Fr. Luke Hartung from the book Family Life [in Greek], by Elder Paisios the Athonite, published by the Sacred Hesychastirion of St. John the Evangelist, Souroti, Greece (2002).